Blog 3:

I Bring it all to Him

January 24, 2015

I have cried and felt like crying all day today. I don't know why, but God often brings me to the bathroom to meet with Him. I found myself weeping in my bathroom today (don't worry, it was clean), kneeling at the toilet, my face on the toilet seat lid and my chest heaving so many tears.

Now, for those of you who know me, this would not come as a surprise. But this was the first day like that for me since I arrived in Uganda.

Today the weight of what God has called me to was too heavy today - I was filled with loneliness and despair and overwhelmed by just how much pain and suffering I see around me. I guess part of it was compassion, but the other part was the devil trying to bite at me again and try to get me to listen to him instead of Him (God).

And it was in that crying that God began to speak:

Me: God, I can't do this. It's too heavy.

God: I gave you this opportunity. You were obedient. You said yes. I love you. I didn't promise you that the call would be easy - I promised that I would be with you through it.

Then a song from one of my favourite bands came to mind: "I Bring it to You"

"I bring it to You

There's wonder in all that You do

I bring You the scraps that make up my soul

And You make me whole

I'm Yours"

This line stood out:

"I bring You the scraps that make up my soul, and You make me whole"

Sometimes all we have to offer God are the scraps of our soul. But the god thing is that He is the one who can make us whole again.

It is when I get to the end of my strength that God shows just how strong He is. And if me being in Uganda has little to do with ME  but all to do with my HEAVENLY FATHER, then of course it makes sense that I surrender all the pieces of me to Him. "He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we could ever ask or imagine." He makes up for in spades all that I lack. And boy do I lack.

Today was not a great day emotionally for me, but God is still here with me, leading me through the times where I start taking on the burdens I see around me instead of giving them to Him.